The Health Inspector

WARNING: Contains male blueberry inflation and slight homoerotic themes. Don't like, don't read!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
       An uninspired clock fixed on a wall of chipping paint ticked monotonously as Philip Emerson aggressively wiped his brow. With his pen tapping in rhythm and glasses resting on the bridge of his nose Philip shuffled through his paperwork. Despite the annoying process of filling out information Philip couldn’t help but feel a smirk spread across his face. Ten shutdowns, he thought. A new record.

      Although he wouldn’t admit it, Philip’s favorite part of the job was the power trip he experienced when closing the curtains on businesses with too many health code violations. While his pleasure in this was somewhat attributed to his own restaurant failure, he felt he found his calling. With a soft sigh he began to collect his briefcase when his secretary softly knocked on the doorframe.

“E-excuse me, Mr. Emerson?”

“Ah, yes Lisa! Come on in.” Philip responded displaying his impressive row of pearly whites.

“Um... I c-compiled the locations for next week that are due for inspection.” Lisa responded while blushing. After a short pause she laid the paperwork down and scampered out of the room. Philip couldn’t help but shake his head. Even though him and Lisa had been working together for five months, she still has yet to escape her crush on him. But who could blame her? Philip was an incredibly handsome man. His eyes were a rich brown, filled to the brim with cynicism and charisma. Whenever he looked your way, you couldn’t help but be caught off-guard. He also kept his rich, mahogany hair clean-cut and precise, complimenting his 5-o-clock shadow and tall, slim figure.

Rubbing the back of his head Philip took a quick glance at the list Lisa had given him and his heart skipped a beat upon reading the first location. It was none other than Willy Wonk’s factory. He chuckled to himself, as he couldn’t believe his luck. Him and Wonka had a history. They went to the same high school, where Philip always noticed Wonka to be the sticky, nerdy kid who always raised his hand. Nonetheless, despite Philip’s efforts, Wonka managed to steal valedictorian right from under his nose, preventing him from being accepted from an esteemed ivy-league school. Regardless if that was the case, Philip was still bitter as Wonka went on to achieve great success in the food industry where Philip had struggled. However, Philip knew Wonka’s weakness: his insanity. Wonka was a nut, and bound to have countless violations. This excitement cause Philip to have many sleepless nights until the big day finally arrived.

Philip practically leaped out of bed at the sound of his alarm, getting up extra early to ensure the best possible experience. He took great care selecting the perfect wardrobe: a powder blue dress-shirt with a paisley print, a navy suit jacket, a shiny red leather belt, a pair of slim dark-blue dress jeans, and his priceless pair of red alligator-skin dress shoes. This moment is going to be one of the best in my life, he thought, so I have to look my best. After grabbing his trusty bright-red pen (for marking Xs), his briefcase, and his red-trimmed hipster glasses, Philip confidently paced out his front door.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

        The car’s brakes squeaked as they came to a stop by the front gates. Stepping out of car, Philip felt his gaze rest on the intriguing iron gates adorned with large “Ws” in elegant font. Philip found the factory peculiar as it seemed run-down in photos but was impressive in-person. Large golden pillars held the structure together with painted arches containing carvings carefully constructed by a fine architectures indeed. Large tinted windows reflected gray light from the cloudy afternoon as large smokestacks puffed cotton-candy factory clouds.

        Philip rang the doorbell and to his surprised the gates swung open without a moment’s notice. Beads of sweat fell down his forehead as he cautiously stepped forward, dress shoes clacking on the concrete. Philip opened the front door to a pitch-black room.

       “H-hello?” Philip softly called out, momentarily dropping his cool composure.

       “Why Emerson my boy! It’s so good to see you! You must be the health inspector.” A chipper voice popped-up behind Philip causing him to violently jump from being startled.

       “Where did you..?! Don’t do that!” Philip exclaimed.

       “Oh Philip… you’re so cute when your flustered.” The sing-songy voice replied. Philip couldn’t believe his eyes. “Will is that you?”

       Talk about doing puberty right, the once nerdy kid now sported flowing blond hair, radiant skin, sea-green eyes, and a complimentary cute demeanor. Philip couldn’t believe he was thinking this… but Wonka was kind of attractive. He quickly shook off the thought however, remembering his mission.

       “Never mind. Listen Mr. Wonka, I’m here to do a full inspection to make sure your place is up to code.” Philip spoke regaining his professionalism.

        “Why of course Emers!” Philip hated that nickname. “Normally I would not let just anyone enter but rules are rules. Come with me dear sir.” Philip was slightly off-put by Wonka’s lack of concern, but went forth into the factory regardless.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Philip’s jaw physically dropped upon seeing the massive factory. There was a giant room made entirely out of candy, a chocolate river, geese that laid golden eggs, and countless other wonders! To his dismay, Wonka did an incredible job explaining his processes and there was surprisingly not a single health code violation despite the oddities. What was worse was Wonka’s snide remarks constantly rubbed it in his face.

“Not too shabby, eh old pal?”

“Yes… Mr. Wonka. Everything is up to code.” Philip responded gritting his teeth.

“Well thanks for the visit but I really must get back to work, I’ll show you the exit.” Philip begrudgingly followed Wonka towards the door, then something caught his eye.

“Wait! Mr. Wonka, what’s in this room?” Philip gestured towards a large steel door with the words “INVENTING ROOM” resting above in big, bold letters.

“Oh that’s nothing, mere storage for machinery really.”

“Sorry Mr. Wonka, but it’s my duty to inspect every inch of the facility.” Philip’s sinister grin returned. To his shock, Wonka returned it.

“Well I suppose if we must…” Philip again followed Wonka into the room. And it was much more impressive than storage. Large machines whirred and buzzed and flashed bright lights. Colorful confections spit out on conveyor belts along rows of test tubes. Wonka showed Philip many of his inventions, and unfortunately everything was once again up to code. The two men made there way to the end of the room.

“This looks like your last machine Wonka, what’s it do?”

“Well if you must know Emers, this is my three-course-dinner gum!” Wonka then went on to lecture about all the gum’s abilities to replace meals and satisfying its consumers.

Philip slowly grew suspicious. “Three-course dinner gum? That’s blasphemy. You were always good at science Will, but there is no way that is physically possible. I need to try this for myself.”

“Now, now, slow down Philip! I don’t mind allowing samples but this is a prototype. Far from ready for human consumption!” Philip’s eyes flashed at this statement. Gotcha! He thought. If he could find out why this candy was unfit for consumption it could be a major health violation!

“You really think a mere warning’s going to stop me? If you wont admit what’s wrong with it I’ll find out and shut you down for good!” Before Wonka could even open his mouth Philip flicked on the machine’s switch, snatched a blue gumball from the dispenser and popped it in his mouth.

“Wait! Phi…” Wonka suddenly stopped himself and chuckled. “You know what? Go on. Tell me what you think.”

Philip was hit with a wave of euphoria. He couldn’t believe the taste sensations that flooded over his tongue. As his strong jaw slowly chewed he felt the flavors change from creamy tomato soup, to juicy steak, to flaky baked potato.

“Will… I can’t believe I’m saying this but this is incredible! It tastes soooo good and I actually feel full!”

“Just wait until dessert.” Wonka replied with a wink.

“Dessert? What’s for des… oh my goodness… blueberry pie! That’s my absolute favorite!” Philip was purely enthusiastic, forgetting all his prior malice as his mouth salivated over the rich blueberry flavor. Philip felt a hand brush against his cheek.

“You are so attractive when pleasured.” Wonka seductively whispered, and unable to contain himself he pressed his lips against Philip’s. Philip was momentarily shocked, but soon fell into the embrace moaning softly. The experience was short-lived, however, as Philip started to feel weird.

“What’s wrong handsome?” Wonka purred, perfectly aware of the events to come.

“I don’t know… *urp* I feel funny…” Philip groaned clutching his stomach. It started to churn, as if there was a pot of boiling soup inside him. Philip starting to feel hot, causing him to chew more frantically.

“Will, what exactly is wrong with this gum?!” Philip blurted, losing his cool and looking at the handsome candy-maker with terrified eyes.

“You’ll just have to see!” Wonka said playfully.

Philip never felt so uneasy in his life as he burped a second time. “Ugh… I feel so… bloated.” Philip continued to rub his stomach as he caught a glimpse of blue forming on his nose out of the corner of his eye.

“What’s… this?” Philip questioned as he carefully touched his nose.

“Why Philip, you’re looking a little… blue!” The strange blue hue continued to spread across Philip’s face as well as his fingertips. He could only watch in horror as blue and purple swirled up his arms and creeped down his neck.

“I’m... I’m turning Blue?! Oh god what’s happening to me?” Philip’s hands once again rested on his stomach. “And I feel so… so full.” Philip moaned softly as he felt a tightening sensation around his waist. Philip tried shifting his weight in an attempt to get comfortable when his blue ears perked to a sloshing sound. Philip audibly gasped as he gazed down at his midsection only to see his once trim stomach replaced with a gentle swell.

“Mr. Wonka! H-help me!” Philip felt tears of frustration fall down his cheeks unable to understand what was happening to him. The poor man’s stomach continued to inflate as his belt creaked from incredible pressure. Philip then felt the same sensation in his thighs and rear as they both started to expand. He reached behind him in an attempt to stop the swelling, but it was to no avail. His butt continued to balloon, groaning and stretching the denim confines.

“Please Will… help me. *urp* Please…” Philip groaned, slowly giving up hope. He let out another belch, as the swelling spread to his chest. He felt as if there was a beach ball inflating under his shirt as his large blue belly strained the buttons of his jacket and shirt. Philip’s belt was reaching its limit as it continued to creak and form splits. He felt his stomach and groin swell over the bright sliver buckle and knew it was only a matter of time before it would give. He silently cursed himself for wearing such tight clothing.

As Philip’s stomach enlarged his jacket button came off with a satisfying pop. He tried to reach down to unbutton his shirt but his arms began to plump as well, forming cone shapes over his circular torso. Philip’s rear end continued swell, audibly filling with juice. With a soft ripping noise, Philip felt a split form in the seat of his jeans. His thighs also joined in the fun, orchestrating a series of popping noises as they tore through the seams of his pants one by one. A couple buttons exploded off his dress-shirt causing Wonka to duck for cover.

“Ugh… Am I turning into a blue…mmmph?” Philip moaned as he felt his cheeks puff-up with juice, constricting his ability to speak.

“A blueberry? Oh yes indeed. Serves you right Philip. You can’t just go around shutting down places for fun you know!” Wonka scolded.

Wonka was then interrupted by Philip’s bright belt finally giving in and exploding from his swelling form releasing a great amount of pressure. Philip grunted with relief, then sighed knowing his troubles were far from over. The button and waistband of his jeans tore open as the last of the buttons on his dress-shirt flew off. Philip soon became completely spherical as his inflating form pushed off his shoes leaving him as a giant blue ball wearing an overstretched pair of blue boxer breifs.

“MMMPHHH!!!” Philip shouted for help once more as he felt his hands, feet, and head slowly sinking into his inflating form. His pleading eyes met with Wonka, who finally sighed deciding enough was enough.

“Well Philip, have you learned your lesson?” Wonka stated to which Philip responded with an agreeable muffle.

“Will you give me a passing grade on my inspection?”

“Mmmph!”

“And will you stop being a pompous inspector who purposefully fails other locations?”

“Mmmph.”

“Annnnnd will you go on a date with me this Saturday?”

“Mmmph? MMMPH!” This time the muffle was disagreeable.

“Oh well it was worth a shot. I’ll help you out Emers.” With that Wonka rolled Philip to the juice extractor before he got close to popping. As annoyed as Philip was, he was so exhausted from relief he couldn’t help but appreciate Wonka helping him. In a few hours, he was back to normal. Well, mostly.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“MR. E-EMERSON? WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!” Lisa screamed, almost fainting at the sight of the tall blue man standing in front of her.

“Long story. I’ll tell you later. Wonka said the color fades within a couple weeks so no need to worry.”

“Well, I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“Thanks Lisa. I guess I got what was coming to me… but it’s going to be hard going out into public like this.”

“I-I think you still look handsome.” Lisa spoke under her breath. Philip cracked a smile, his white teeth even more shocking against his blue skin.

“Why don’t you take the day off Lisa? You deserve it.”

“Th-thank you Mr. Emerson.” Lisa blushed, and then quietly stepped out of the office.